There's a right and a wrong way to tackle this problem!

Good bosses inspire, motivate, and support your career goals. But what if your boss is not only letting you down on these fronts but also bullying you? Being victimised by a manager can be heartbreaking. You may feel trapped, alone, and like it's somehow your fault – it's not! In this guide, we discuss the prevalence of this problem and how you can deal with a bullying boss.

The majority of us have dealt with workplace bullies

Have you ever felt like your boss is bullying you? Has your manager made it clear that they don't like you? Do you feel like they are picking on you? Well, it turns out that you're not alone.

A survey by TopCV has found that 81% of respondents in the UK workforce have felt bullied in the workplace at some point in their careers. Breaking that down, 84% of female respondents and 75% of male respondents reported being bullied by a peer or superior. If you're part of this unfortunate group, it likely hasn't been easy. 

A toxic work environment can wear even the strongest people down; it can make you question your own perceptions too. For instance, you might wonder whether you are being victimised or if you simply have a tough boss. Leadership guru Tracey C. Jones offers insight into distinguishing between the two: "The tough boss gives constructive criticism; the bullying boss gives destructive criticism. It all centres on the motives of your boss; are they there to intimidate or to inspire?"

How to tell if your boss is a bully: red flags

You don't want to jump to conclusions. However, dealing with a bully at work can be a total nightmare. If you suspect that your manager is out of line, you need to look for certain red flags. Here are the key behaviours that indicate that your boss is a bully:

  • Sabotaging your work. Your boss may refuse to give you the tools or information you need to do your job. This tactic stops you from being able to excel within your role and – ultimately – keeps you in the same position in the workplace.
  • Taking credit for your work. Let's say that you've worked hard on a project to support your manager. Do they give you credit? If your boss swoops in and claims to have done all of the groundwork, that could be a major red flag.
  • Using you as a scapegoat. Conversely, your manager may be using you as a scapegoat when things go wrong. Good managers can take ownership of their errors, rather than attempting to shift the blame to one of their subordinates.
  • Undermining you. Does your boss undermine you when you are around other people? Perhaps they make sly remarks about your work or general competency. This type of behaviour is not okay, and you don't need to put up with it.
  • Gossiping or spreading lies. Workplace gossip can be extremely harmful. If your manager is talking about you behind your back (in a negative manner), that can seriously affect your mental health.
  • Treating you differently. If you're wondering whether your manager is bullying you, here's something to consider. Do they single you out over other people? If they're treating you badly while treating others well, that can be a real issue.

  • Adopting negative body language. When you have conversations with your manager, how do they act? They may try  to disarm or discourage you with negative signs, such as eye-rolling, foot-tapping, or folding their arms. 

If you've experienced any of the above, we're sure you'll agree – harassment in the workplace can cause significant emotional and psychological damage. Your first question might be "What have I done wrong?" closely followed by, "How can I make it stop?"

However, if you're dealing with this situation right now, there are proactive steps you can take to make it better. Read on to learn how to deal with a bully boss – professionally.

What to do if your boss is bullying you

Step 1: stay cool, calm, and collected

Unfortunately, when someone is bullying you, you're the one left in a tricky situation. Suddenly, you must negotiate the ins and outs of your everyday job role with the added complication of workplace bullying. Don't be too reactive and risk making the situation worse. 

Remember what's important: doing your best work, while having fun with your co-workers. Tell yourself that your bully boss is just a blip in your career and try to stay as calm and disengaged with the issue as possible. In short, don't let the stress of the situation get to you. Rise above it.

Step 2: take the higher ground

Your boss is being unprofessional. That's a given. However, the last thing you want to do is stoop to their level. While you may be tempted to snipe back at them, don't.  Stay professional and never play a bully boss at their own game – this will only add fuel to the fire. 

Wherever possible, you should respond in a polite, rational way. Doing so will ensure your bully never has any ammunition against you. It's very hard to continue being rude to someone if all you're getting back are good vibes. So, be the bigger person and respond professionally.

Step 3: try addressing the problem head-on

Addressing conflict can be difficult, but it's an important step in dealing with workplace bullying at the hands of your boss. If you don't feel comfortable directly confronting your boss, there are a couple of ways you can let them know how their actions are making you feel. 

  • Email. After a specific incident, try sending them a short, succinct message that explains what happened and how it made you feel. Phrase it in a way that removes the blame from them, though – you don't want to be too accusatory right off the bat. Try starting with something like "I'm sure you didn't mean to, but…"

  • One-on-one. Another great opportunity to open up this kind of conversation is in your one-to-one review sessions, if you get them. Chances are your boss will ask how you've been doing. That's your opening. If you lead with how you've been feeling – "I've been feeling passed over," "I've been feeling out of the loop," then that removes the insinuation of blame. If you're worried about your words being misconstrued, ask to have another member of the team present during this meeting. 

Letting your boss know that you're on to their bullying ways can sometimes be enough to rebalance the relationship. It can make them respect you more and make you feel more in control, too. Consider how best to go about this and you may be able to nip it in the bud.

Step 4: keep track of / collect evidence

If the bullying continues despite having spoken to your boss about it, be prepared to formally escalate the issue. Evidence is everything, so keep any messages or screenshots as proof. You should also note down the times and dates of any situations that are indicative of their bullying behaviour.

You may want to start logging every evidence as soon as the bullying begins. While you may never need to use this information (assuming that step 3 resolves the issue), having it in your back pocket is a must. Creating a case file will give you solid examples to build a discussion around, if the time comes. It will also help you to find the right words to describe what's been happening.

Step 5: make a formal complaint

If you've tried and failed to resolve the problem independently, a formal intervention might be the best way to deal with your bully boss. You may not know how to get started with this, so let's walk you through it:

  • Speak to HR first. Your first step should be your human resources (HR) department. They should be able to provide impartial, confidential advice to all employees, without repercussion. You may not want to make a formal complaint initially, but you can always use your conversation with HR to scope out the process.
  • Check the grievance policy. Your employer may also have a company grievance policy in place – check your handbook or intranet for further information. There are also laws around workplace bullying. Read up so that you know your rights.
  • Contact ACAS for help. As an additional port of call, you can also contact the ACAS (Advice, Conciliation and Arbitration Service). This public body aims to improve workplace environments. Give them a call if you need help, especially if you don't feel comfortable talking with an HR representative.
  • Make a clear case. Once you've contacted the right person – e.g. an HR rep – give a clear, concise summary of what has been going on and back it up with the evidence you've collected. If possible, try not to get emotional or highlight irrelevant information. Stick to the facts and detail how your boss has been victimising you. The more facts you share, the stronger your case will be. 

While it can feel scary to make a formal complaint as you deal with a bully boss, sometimes it's the only option. Remember that you shouldn't be bullied in your place of work. Be brave and share your experience with the right person.

Take heart – you are NOT powerless

If you're being bullied at work, remember that it's not your fault. Just like what you're told in secondary school, the issue lies with the bully, not the victim. For example, perhaps your manager feels inadequate in some way or believes that they must dominate others to maintain their authority. 

Additionally, don't assume that just because you're at the receiving end of bullying at work by a manager or person in authority, you have to leave. If you like your company and get on with your colleagues, stand your ground and fight for it. Now that you know how to deal with a bully boss, take the necessary steps towards seeking support, and don't let them push you out.

If you've decided that leaving your bullying boss is the best way forward, let us help. Get a free CV review to find out if your CV is ready to take you to a better job.

This article was originally written by Samantha Emmett and has been updated by Charlotte Grainger.

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